Rooming With Reno
by Star Shadow and Dark Stratos
Summary: The first of my 'How to Annoy Your Roomate' series. If that doesn't catch your attention this should. Victim One: Elena
1. Prolog

PLEASE REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER! Thank you.

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Star Shadow: ::has on a messy Turks uniform:: Hello everyone!

Dark Stratos: ::is dressed like a member of soldier with the headgear under his arm:: We do hope you enjoy humor.

Star Shadow: If not, then this fic isn't for you.

Dark Stratos: This fic has been in the making for awhile now, so we implore you not to take over our fic when we have a slow update.

Star Shadow: Yeah. That's upsetting. We will be posting the first chapter shortly.

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Disclaimer: We had a disclaimer telling you that we don't own Final Fantasy VII, but a fight between Avalanche and the Turks broke out and it just happened to be between the two.

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Rooming With Reno

Part One of the 'How To Annoy Your Roommate' Series

Star Shadow and Dark Stratos

Prolog

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Tseng never knew what hit him when Elena came into his office sobbing. She looked a mess and couldn't even get out complete sentences. He had never seen the naïve Turk so upset. He could only get bits and pieces as she sobbed uncontrollably as she attached herself to his waist.

"--and he ate the potato! Then… the dot and the chickens… is so not a vegetarian!… kept forgetting who I was… AND HE YELLED PROFANITIES AT MY MOTHER!" she nearly shrieked as Tseng tried to gently pry her off.

He gave her gave her a confused look as she continued her rambling, not letting go, before he looked towards the door to his office to see a messy red-head leaning against the door frame with a lop-sided smile adorning his usually smirking face. Reno smiled fully and waved as he left the room. He was far too happy about something.

It was Reno. She was talking about Reno. He had done something to the annoying girl, and now he couldn't get her off his person. What had he done his time?

"Elena," he said, trying to keep his calm even tone despite the lack of oxygen getting to his lungs as he patted her awkwardly on the head, "Elena, calm down."

"BEST OF THE TURKS OR NOT, I DON'T WANNA ROOM WITH HIM ANYMORE!!" she yelled at him, her face suddenly red and angry despite her tears.

Oh God… So that was what this was about. Now he needed to know what the resident maniac had done this time.

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Star Shadow: Here comes chapter one!

Dark Stratos: Enjoy, and please don't forget to REVIEW!


	2. Chapter One

**PLEASE REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER!** Thank you.

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Star Shadow: Thank you for bothering to read our notes.

Dark Stratos: We would do something four your amusement, but we're really tired right now.

Star Shadow: Please forgive us for that and read on!

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Disclaimer: Did you not read the disclaimer in the Prolog!? Why would we own them NOW if we didn't own them THEN!?

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Rooming With Reno

Victim One: Elena

Chapter One

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Elena was ecstatic! Not only had she been promoted to Turk, but she got to meet Tseng! He had been her idol for years now. He was so cool and collected and he never got angry. He was the ideal Turk, and she wanted to be just like him.

Today, when she had gone to see him. He had told her that is was an honor to have her as a Turk and she had near melted. He had liked her. Not only that, but he had given her a room with another person she had admired.

Reno was the most deadly Turk in their current ranks, and he was younger than her! He was one of the select few to be admitted into the Turks without any prior military training or applying for their ranks. Rumor had it that he had done something amazing to catch the attention of those preceding him and was hired on the spot. He was so good that people didn't even get onto him for not wearing his uniform properly if she'd heard correctly, and she got to room with him!

She pulled the key from her pocket as she walked down the street to her new home. This was exciting. She unlocked the door and slowly opened it to find a surprisingly neat room with a red-head sitting Indian-style on the floor. He had a jack-in-a-box in front of him.

This couldn't be him, could it?

"Um… Excuse me?" she offered timidly, raising a finger.

He ignored her, reaching for the handle on the jack-in-the-box. He began to turn the handle slowly, a tinkering melody playing. Then the end of the song came and out came the clown. That was when 'It' happened.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" He screamed, scuttling away from the clown, a horrified look on his face. He ran behind Elena, continuing to scream and shook with his hands on her shoulders, hiding from it.

'It's alright!" she said, trying to calm him. "It'll be okay!"

It took her twenty minutes to calm him down.

After that, he gave her a short introduction, verifying the fact that he was Reno, and explained that he didn't know there was a clown inside that one and that he wasn't prepared for it. She said she understood and was glad that he was okay with a nervous look before he proceeded to show her around the company housing. It was a small one bedroom house, but it was still nice.

Elena was happy. She was also glad he was over his fear of the box, but what she didn't know was that he would continue to scream at the jack-in-the-box for three more days in fear.

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Star Shadow: We'll put up chapter three soon.

Dark Stratos: We already have it half written.

Star Shadow: Don't forget to review, or no new Elena torture!


	3. Chapter Two

**PLEASE REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER!** Thank you.

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Star Shadow: Lookie! We updated!

Dark Stratos: Mwahahaha! Bow down before us!

Star Shadow: Er… Stratos…

Dark Stratos: What?

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Disclaimer: We had a disclaimer telling you that we don't own Final Fantasy VII, but well… Red XIII kinda had to go to the bathroom and it was on top of the newspaper… Er… Do you really want it now?

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Rooming With Reno

Victim One: Elena

Chapter Two

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He was in 'training'. That was what he called it anyway. Every morning he had the same routine. Every morning he managed the disgusting feat of drinking a raw egg for breakfast, and told her that she should do the same. It was healthy. He really acted as though he were a tough guy.

Everyday, after turning the handle on the jack-in-the-box and screaming for twenty minutes straight, he would go to work and act as professional as he could without actually doing his work. She had never even seen him touch a single paper on his coffee cup covered, three layers of dust, 'hey, do you think that's mold?' desk, and he somehow kept further ahead of almost everyone else when it came to missions.

At lunch, he had the same routine he had for breakfast. He would produce an egg from who knows where and drink it. People asked him all the time why he was in training. He was as thin as a board and able to overpower every bodyguard without breaking into a sweat, except his fellow Turks, and he looked like he was about to collapse on himself for lack of food. All he ever offered them for their questions was a smile and a wink before sending them on their way.

When they went home after work finished, he would always stop by a coffee shop. It wasn't always the same one. He didn't really have a favorite, but he insisted that they go to one every night. When they arrived at one of the many shops on the upper plate, he would always buy her a straight black coffee and, for himself, a caramel mocha frap. Also, he would always buy something for his dinner.

When they got home every night, he would go to the dining room and open his dinner. It was always the same, and it annoyed her to no end. How could he possibly be in training if he was eating that!? What was the damn point of drinking two _raw_ eggs if he was just going to eat that!? Tonight she was gonna ask.

Reno sat at the dinning room table and ate another fluffy doughnut, strawberry jelly filled, and smiled happily at the other eleven. It was an assortment of wonderful delights, and he loved them all. He was about to reach for another when a hand stopped him.

"What do you think your doing?" Elena asked, her eyebrow twitching.

"'M fyin fa hee mah bowmufs," he stated, with his beloved strawberry doughnut in his mouth. He received a glare from the owner of the hand that kept him from his yummy lovers. He wallowed. "I'm tryin' ta eat my doughnuts."

"But your in training…" she said, eyebrow twitching even more.

All Reno did was steal the box of doughnuts from under her hand, smile, wink and walk out of the room. After he left, she realized something.

"YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION, RENO!" She stormed to the door he had went through, only to realized it was locked.

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Star Shadow: We hoped you enjoyed this chappy!

Dark Stratos: Please don't forget to read and review!


	4. Chapter Three

Star Shadow: ::twiddles thumbs:: You know… I think we should be doing something right now…

Dark Stratos: I had that same feeling…

Both: ::come to sudden realizations:: WE NEED TO UPDATE OUR FICS!!! ::Scrambles::

Star Shadow: I can't believe we forgot!!

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Disclaimer: We don't own FFVII, but we thought we won it in a bet. Turns out the person we made a bet with didn't own them either…

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Rooming With Reno

Victim One: Elena

Chapter Three

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Elena wished she had never entered Reno's room. She had seen some pretty strange things in her life, but nothing seemed quite as strange after she had met Reno. He was the strangest thing she ever had to deal with. His latest bout of insanity seemed to take the cake though.

Recently, Elena had noticed Reno taking pens from the Shinra building. Nothing much at first, just the occasional pen. It got worse over time though. Handfuls, boxes, blue, black, red, green, pens with 'Rufus Shinra' engraved on them, whatever he could find. He even stole the gold plated dragon pen Tseng had gotten from Wutai! When Tseng had asked her what happened to his favorite pen when he couldn't find it, she was surprised when he just shrugged it off as nothing big when he found out it was Reno and said something about how some things never wore off. He had even walked off snickering something about Reno and shiny things! This just added to her confusion.

It had been nearly three weeks since this stupidity had started and he was still at it, and not showing any signs of stopping soon. If anything he was picking up speed. Now, whenever she needed a pen, there were never any to be found. Some people had even reverted to pencils! She knew who was behind the pen kidnappings, she just didn't have the slightest idea why. She was beginning to suspect he was doing this to drive her insane. She was partially right.

"Reno?" she remembered asking earlier that day.

"Yes?" he asked turning while walking out of the parking garage elevator, his face looking oddly innocent. He pulled that look off quite well. He made it look even better when he blinked a few times like that.

"What are you doing with all the pens?" she asked not even bothering to ask if he was the culprit. She knew the truth.

"You noticed!?" he asked with the audacity to look shocked.

"Not many people haven't," she snorted, not resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'll show you when we get home," he smiled. "I promise!"

Reno had ushered her into his room, climbed to the top of his mountain of pens and proceeded to point and laugh at a lone pencil on the other side of the room. When Elena suggested the need for mental held he had decided she was in cahoots with the pencil, climbed down his mountain, moved her to the other side of the room, scampered up the mountain, still in his suit mind you, and proceeded to point and laugh again.

And that was how she ended up standing in his God forsaken room next to the pencil.

Elena gritted her teeth. She should have never asked about the pens. She would have been much happier.

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Star Shadow: Did you know that when you type 'Wutai' in Microsoft Works it lists Utah as a spelling correction for it?

Dark Stratos: That was a pretty funny thing to see. Please Read and Review!

Star Shadow: Suggestions loved!!


	5. Chapter Four

Star Shadow: Well, it certainly has been awhile since we wrote anything for this fic.

Dark Stratos: I remember why we liked this one so much now.

Star Shadow: We hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: We only wish we owned FFVII. We don't so poo on you.

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Rooming With Reno  
Star Shadow and Dark Stratos  
Chapter Four

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_Thunk! Thunk! Thunk!_

Elena twitched in her room. She did not want to know. She did not want to know. She did not want to—

_Thunk!_

"Woohoo! Yes!"

Okay, so maybe she did want to know, but she certainly didn't need to know. Maybe she should just peek into Reno's room to see just want the read-head was doing…

_No!_ She mentally berated herself. _Think about the pen fiasco. Remember the pencil._

Taking deep calming breaths, Elena lay in her bed trying to ignore the loud sound against her wall. _Just what was he…? No!_ She refused to even ask herself. She did not want to know what he was throwing at the wall, no matter how humorous or stupid it would seem in the end.

_Thunk!_

"Aw! I was so close too!"

_Thunkthunk!_

Elena refused to acknowledge the sound. It didn't exist. She flat out refused to—

_Thunk!_

_Plop…_

"Alright!"

A piece of plaster _from the wall _fell on her face. She couldn't help it. She asked.

"Just what the hell is he doing in that room!?" she hissed to herself.

Grabbing her robe and sliding regretfully from her bed, she opened her door. The hall was dark. The only light in the relatively small hall was coming from under the door of the cheering man's room.

Gulping, she griped the doorknob. She opened the door.

_Thunk!_

"Yes!" Reno laughed. "I got it!"

Elena looked at him, keeping all traces of fear off her face while trying to desperately ignore the pile of pens that took up one corner of his room. Absently, she noted that it was only half the size it had been during his last fit of insanity. Across from the grinning redhead was the formerly white wall that separated their rooms. Now though, it looked quite a bit more like Swiss cheese. That wasn't what scared her though. What scared her were the throwing darts in Reno's hands.

"Reno?"

"Hi Elena!" he smiled beatifically as he threw another dart at the wall. He scowled.

"Are you alright?" she asked, plastering a smile to her face.

"No. Can't you see that I missed?"

"Missed?"

"The target!" Reno replied, looking slightly exasperated.

"What target? I don't see a target."

"Are you blind?"

"No, but I do see a rather large amount of holes in the wall."

Reno threw another dart. It went into the wall right beside Elena's head. His bottom lip stuck out. "I can't hit the bull's eye. You're in the way!"

Elena twitched in anger and fear. What was wrong with the man!? Didn't she used to admire this person? Why was he aiming at something that wasn't there!?

"Reno," she said in a placating voice, trying to calm her nerves and her temper. "I think you should put the darts away for now."

"Just a few more?" he whined. "Please?"

Elena leaned against the wall, hand massaging her temples. She nodded know that it would be the fastest way to make him stop.

"Yes!"

Elena opened her eyes at his cheer. She wished she hadn't. Reno was holding two handfuls out darts like a knife thrower at a circus. His arms were crossed over his chest and his head was bowed. He looked up at her, eyes flashing, and then he threw the darts… at her… without really taking the time to aim properly.

She shrieked.

_Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk!_

_Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk!_

Reno smiled and turned off his lights. He pulled off his shirt and put on a pair of pajama bottoms. Climbing into bed, he smiled again. "G'night, Elena."

Elena said nothing. She gaped at him. She was being held to the wall by the multitude of darts going through her robe and most of the way through the wall. She wasn't even touching the floor. Thankfully, she wasn't bleeding, but that didn't keep her from her shock.

_What? How did he--? When did he--?_

Elena couldn't get down for the rest of the night.

To Be Continued

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Star Shadow: Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Dark Stratos: Happy insert whatever holiday you celebrate here.

Star Shadow: And remember! We adore all those who both read and review. Even if you hated it.


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